When I first posted this shot I was blown away by the vastness of the disaster. Then I realized I could see my house burning. The street straight up the mountain is Lake Ave. The big blank space on the left that (looks like it) is not burning (but it did) is our neighborhood park.
Diagonal from the park is our friend’s house on the corner that didn’t burn. Above their house you see our street, our house is the fourth in from the corner, ablaze.
Right now it’s been one month. Today I remembered my childhood nursery rhymes book given to me by Annette, Sue and the girls that ran the Grateful Dead offices for my 7th birthday. It’s one of two items I have (had) from my pre-adoption life. The other was a fabric poster of a lion that I spent a lot of time watching melt as a teen baby addict on acid.
The kids emotions roared when they remembered, at 8pm, that the next day it was a dress up day at their new school. Their costume box ablaze. Big feelings. Ryan and Thora went on a late night hunt and found some solutions and we survived. Ryan misses his old rain jacket but he’s found a suitable replacement that feels like a soft hug when you wear it. Lila found the exact version of my red plaid jacket and shipped it to us. We have been gifted so many items and are so taken care of.
All of life is roses and thorns. The shock hadn’t thawed yet. I assume that’s coming though.
We decided to head north to lick our wounds, stopping at the grandparents house in Sacramento before making our way to Marin. We are lucky enough to have a friend's place to land while figure out the rebuild and the kids will get to go to school with their cousin and another friend.
We are, of course, in mourning. The first few days Oscar kept telling people "my house blew up!" "my toys blew up!" Now he seems to feel it mostly before bed when he starts listing off things that were burnt in the fire. Luckily most of his prized possessions were from Target... haha/ugh. Thora just seems a little numb, like me. I don't think it will fully click until we are settled in.
What strikes me most now is how incredibly lucky we were that the fire happened at dinner time. I was about to head to a meeting, and like many people noted - our phones never buzzed with an emergency warning. We knew because of the Altadena neighborhood group, followed quickly by our incredible neighbors at our door. If it had been in the middle of the night, who knows.
The photo is from the middle of our street 12 minutes after the fire started.
I think that is the hardest part to comprehend. It is a 2/3 rebuild of an entire community. Schools, shops, rec centers - all gone. It's a chance to reimagine what the community looks like but woof, the chance of it going sideways and people being taken advantage of is real.
I guess this is where we get to put one foot in front of the other and trust. Show up for each other, act in goodwill, and hope others do the same.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support. We are floored and so grateful.
After the northern California fires I heard people say "I never expected it to happen to me!" and I thought, "I never expected it to happen to them either!" Whatever cognitive leap that should have happened, didn't... even though we had to pay for special fire insurance. It still seemed unfathomable.
One sob and some weeping is what I've been able to muster as far as The Sads go. The sob came when Ryan found my grandfather's pots and plucked them from the rubble. The weeping came when I introduced Thora to her new classmates.
We really have the best version of a bad situation. Hugely in part thanks to all of you. We've landed in a beautiful spot up north, the kids are at a school that starts the day with sound bowls and deep breathing; a soft mossy landing pad. Their chakras will be aligned dammit! And luckily Oscar's most prized possessions were from Target. "At least this one didn't burn!" He announced unwrapping a superhero action figure. The silver linings are there.
Even Pink Bear, a vintage sibling to Thora's prized Yellow Bear, was able to be sourced by Aunt Actually (Ashley) from eBay, and delivered by the time we landed at the grandparent's house a few days after the fire. A friend replaced my red plaid jacket, and another friend sent Ryan his favorite shoes. We are beyond grateful.
Now our task has been - How to Help our Town. We've never been more in love with Altadena and the community there.
Maybe it's the shock. Maybe the grief will hit hard and knock us to the ground. But for the moment, this current moment, we are all, mostly, okay. Just for today.
Thank you all so so much.
Love Frankie, Ryan, Thora, and Oscar.
P.S. Does anyone know how to build a house?
Altadena! Please do not sell your destroyed lot to a corporation that will suck the life out of this community. If you truly need to sell let me help you find a neighbor or individual who can purchase it. I will not charge you for this.
Many corporations will send out people to act as honest buyers only to resell or transfer the property to the corporation months later. Let your neighbors know this, especially elderly who may not have this information. The "honest buyers" will be very convincing and attempt to pull heart strings about how this is their dream lot and they lost their home too etc. etc.
Even if you Do Not have fire insurance and have No Idea how you will rebuild, let's figure this out together. I am happy to get on a phone call with anyone to brainstorm potential solutions for your particular situation.
If you have to sell you will get more money for a lot with a house on it than a vacant lot - perhaps the solution is clearing debris and dropping a new design prefab or tiny home on the lot if needed. Prefab homes are not what they used to be - there are environmentally advanced versions that are beautiful and desirable. Perhaps the solution is taking out a personal loan backed by a lien on your property with no payments due for 2 years. We can figure this out.
New companies will start appearing out of no where offering to help clear debris etc. Do not give them a deposit for work they haven't done. Contractors will start bidding out your property per square footage - we need to know labor and materials in order to get quality work and any deposit should be MINIMAL. Vulture contractors will ask for huge down payments and then disappear.
If you have fire insurance and the company is acting Great now, it may still be worth it to get an independent adjuster. They don't cost anything upfront but they will fight for you to get the entirety of your policy. Your insurance will tell you they don't need proof of what you had in your house, but if you say Fridge they will give you enough money for the cheapest fridge on the market. They are crafty and with all of us needing new houses, they Will try to cut corners.
The independent adjuster we are working with has 1 person who is helping us build out an inventory of what posessions were in our house and a 2nd person building out an estimate of the actual cost to rebuild the house - what type of wood were the floors, how many windows did we have, were the windows aluminum wood or vinyl - all of this matters. I will add the information for our adjuster below. They are charging us 10% but I heard that their rate is negotiable.
I am looking to put together a list of vetted and trusted contractors and architects. Is anyone else interested in doing this with me?
Our house was on Alta Pine. We love it there and we can't wait to build back whatever this new life will look like, together.